"You have 1 unread message from The Universe"

[Ash]

For about 5 or 6 years now, I've ocassionally gone through periods where I feel a building-up of emotion, an increasing tension, which usually explodes into realization or revelation of some kind. Some of the "revelations" are intensely helpful and useful, some are just depressing (this was more the case when I was younger), and some are seemingly unimportant.
These realizations seem to fall under the category of "pieces suddenly coming together" rather than "actual clairvoyant perceptions from some specific source." This leads me to believe that I am not unmanageably crazy

I've also noticed, however, that my mind seems to be conditioned to respond to anxiety/tension/intense emotions by assuming they are resulting from an "impending realization," which many times they are not, and I end up getting BS.

For what it's worth: I'm a musician, and much of my most intense and self-appreciated music has resulted from this kind of "creative explosion" which involves considerable internal tension and uncomfortability.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am pretty sure it's a process that, if not completely contained in the "non-divine" aspects of my existence, is at least mostly contained in them, although recently I have had a small handful of experiences like this that I am fairly sure are from my HGA, or something (presumably internal) which is mediating between us. I believe this due to realizations about my True Will, a piecing-together of a conscious picture of it.

[Alias55A]

I'm not quite sure what you are describing. On another note I also have build-ups of energy, especially when I want to do or 'create' something artistically, the difference being mine feels like my lower chakras overload at times, spewing energy up and down my spine, symoultaniously with an arousal of some deeper power between my naval and base chakras. Or it could just be me tapping into my overwhelming energy reserves . The realizations are good though, mabye you anticipate it, which causes anxiety? you should try and relax when it happens, and not think about the tension, just what your doing.

[Ash]

I suffer from anxiety anyway, I just notice that most (but not 100%) of these "realizations" occur after a period of building anxiety and other negative emotion, but the "hey, anyone home? It's me, the UNIVERSE" sensation is distinct enough to pick up occasionally.


It's probably not THE UNIVERSE; in fact, thinking on it, I really doubt it, but it's the best way to describe this sensation at the moment.

[AvshalomBinyamin]

That's what happens when you bring stuff to consciousness. If the revelations are about yourself, your motivations, etc., and in the long term are making your more self-aware and freer to do your will, then it sounds like your doing it right.

[Ash]

These "revelations" are typically in the form of suddenly and creatively increased understanding of the world or universe in some formulation, particularly from my unique viewpoint. Lately they've been much more personal to me, but they didn't start off seeming that way, as I didn't realize how naturally-biased one's viewpoint is.

[TheSilent1]

What you are describing is what is typically classfied as schizotypal. Most occultist fit the personality profile actually. The best way I found to deal with the anxiety is with constant practice of asana and the middle pillar. I have also found that if I stop practicing the symptoms return after a couple of months.

[Ash]

Interesting. I've always wondered if I'm crazy.

This, of course, leads me to believe I'm not crazy, because I know people who are rather off-balance and they think they're perfectly fine



Regardless; I plan on seeing a psychologist soon anyway to help ground me. If I do end up being more or less crazy, should I shy away from Initiation? What approach should I take to Magick - should I stop it completely? The more I research schizotypality, the more it seems to describe me.

I guess I'm asking for random thoughts from random people who have 2 cents to put into my beggar's cup.

[Jastiv]

But, how do you know all that anxiety is your anxiety and not someone elses anxiety that you are picking up and feeling thinking that is your own. It is really strange how much I picked up from people around me particularly people I am close to.

You don't go hunting for initiation, it is something that finds you whether you like it or not.

[junebug]

i can't explain how utterly fitting this is to my own Self.

we should discuss this much. as i am just beginning to do something about controlling this enveloping anxiety that overwhelms.

[Ash]

But, how do you know all that anxiety is your anxiety and not someone elses anxiety that you are picking up and feeling thinking that is your own. It is really strange how much I picked up from people around me particularly people I am close to.

I have picked up on the emotions of people close to me, but usually any perceptions of powerful emotion are accompanied by anxiety, and perceptions of "normal" emotion aren't, and they aren't what I'm talking about.

First of all, it feels like my anxiety, just anxiety without a discernable "cause," which anxiety attacks unrelated to mysticism also feel like. On rare occassions I've perceived anxiety from others, and it doesn't feel quite the same - I act basically normal, and the emotion is detached from mental processes. When I feel anxiety, everything gets completely sucked into it, thus leading me to believe it's mine.

Secondly, I am, by a very large margin, the most anxious person I know. I'd have to be picking up anxiety from someone even more prone to it than myself if that were the case, and I doubt that very highly.

i can't explain how utterly fitting this is to my own Self.

we should discuss this much. as i am just beginning to do something about controlling this enveloping anxiety that overwhelms.

If I figure anything out, I'll post it here, but otherwise I'm in no position to give answers

Banishing helps, but then again I've had a fairly regular schedule of it that was only broken recently, and one-off banishing rituals seem to have a noticeable effect on my comfort level, kind of like how working out once in awhile makes one notice it more blatantly than when one does it regularly.

Intellectually, TheSilent1's technique of asana and the Middle Pillar Ritual seems to make sense, and I intend to try it eventually, when I get myself into a more stable schedule.


I do have one piece of advice though - negative emotions such as depression, and the pits of such emotion that commonly form during panic attacks or nervous breakdowns, have a very nasty habit of appearing "enlightening" or feeling like "love." One doesn't want to move past them, because they feel like old friends. Don't be deceived by perceptions such as this.

[Veronica]

In my expiernces dealing with anxiety (my own and patrons) I have come to a few conclusions that may be helpful to you as well. So I will share what I have come to understand and you can take what fits if you like. I do not have all my books in front of me so I shall have to just wing it from my recollection. Anxiety is an emotional response to stress, more specifically anticipated stress. We learn from expierences, and these expierences produce in our bodies certain specfic chemical reactions, hormones that make us feel so that we act.

It has been shown that some of the most "intutitive" psychic mindreaders, empaths are people who grew up in violent, choatic situations in which to ensure survival the child must learn to project into the future and intuite what the "abuser" is going to do, say, ect. One of the traits that women express much more so then men, is facial watching (I dont recall the proper term). Our facial muscles give subtle hints (actually very direct statement if you are trained to read them) as to our moods, thoughts, and actions. Watch babies and you will see how they scan your face constantly, but as babes turn into boys and girls...the boys brain for some reason (?!) instructs them that they do not need to watch as closely, yet the girls are constantly scanning faces.

People who are anxious typically have had a tramua of some sort, at least perceieved by them, and anticipate its return. Hence all the biological activity, sweaty, flutterly, ungrounded, blurry, sences altert ect. are conditioned responses to something in the past. People learn to become experts in divining what people are going to do, say because they have had so much expierence doing so in order for self preservation.

When I was able to trace my anxiety back to the source I was able to overcome it. When I realized that what was triggering me to react (fear) I new what medicine I needed to cure myself (love).


I have been called extremely psychic, and intutive and have a uncanny ability to divine events, I attribute this not to some super sence or being blessed (though I am, because of my actions and reactions) but to my learned conditioed responses to trauma and life in general.

Another thing that heavily influences levels of anxiety is what i will call cultural saturation. How much time do we spend watching tv, on pcs or other electronics, eating fad foods, drinking fad drinks, being indoors?? I attribute all of these things and others (listeing to news, and even music, shopping, driving, even our social engagements) to levels of stress, which impact our hormones, and can produce levels of anxiety.

One of the things that I have found to be helpful is purifaction in all ways. IMO we all need to get outseide more, and be in nature, be around other healthy humans, eat pure, raw foods and drinks, drink lots of water. Get lots of excersize and fresh air, listen to happy sounds, pray and worship giving thanks and being in a thankful loving state of being.

All of these action will help aleviate stress and reduce anxiety in most cases. It is also helpful to keep a writted journal or log of what happened. Think of your situation like a clock, 12 pm you felt ______, (ie your stomach hurt), 1pm you thought about______, (ie what is going to happen), 2pm how did your body respond, 3pm what where you thinking, feeling, 4pm what was your body doing........keeping noticing the subtle nuances and specifics until you have worked throught the event, and you are feeling better. That sort of excercize will help you identify your specific triggers and bodily reactions so that you can learn to intuite yourself naturally.

Each person is so unique, and what works for one may harm another, so always trust your own drive for self preservation. I used to be a very anxious person, for many reasons and still to this day when I have certain synchrocities playing out in my world that seem magical, and psychic and meaningful I know that they do have meaning for me, meaning that will allow me to survive and thrive if I just pay attention.

[Ash]

Thank you, Veronica, that was extremely helpful.

I know precisely what "trauma" my subconscious seems to expect - when I was younger, I was bullied, harassed, and pushed around a lot; It wasn't nearly as bad as I know it could have been, but I am extremely sensitive and always have been, and I took the rejection and rooted it deeply inside me.

I know this is somehow related to most of my anxiety - my fears are mostly related to self-worth, and they manifest as hypochondria, because I feel that if there are any one of a billion things wrong with me, I won't be "normal" and hence I won't be loved or accepted (I wasn't accepted in my childhood and teens because I was so different from most people).

[Veronica]

I am glad that you found my words helpful:)

I know that when one is suffering, in the moment, so to speak -in an attack, it is hard to have clarity, but one thing that served me well when I was engrossed in a situation, actually the thing that has gotten me through every ordeal is the complete exceptance of love. I know it sounds so corny, but its true.

Not to belittle your issue at all, but what you speak about here is an underlaying human condition felt by most all human beings,

"when I was younger, I was bullied, harassed, and pushed around a lot; It wasn't nearly as bad as I know it could have been, but I am extremely sensitive and always have been, and I took the rejection and rooted it deeply inside me."

To a child parenting is often seen as bulliying, being pushed around and definately harrassed, even under extraordinarly healthy situations. Even though I am just a little loving rainbow of smile to most everyone, my kids have seen another side when it was called for, and I know it has rooted in them.....

I competed with 6 other children for my parents "love and attention." I understand how important self worth is, and the difference it makes in life. I know that children often wonder if thier parents really love them, and base many decisions on the answers they come up with. (by the way when I speak of children, I am always referring to young, of any age-meaning spiritual young, emotionaly young, young on all levels) I also know from my own personal expierences and the expierences shared with me by others, that believing you are loved (by anything!) can be the differnce in life or death.

[TheSilent1]

I have a work with what you've got mentality. I had a very abusive childhood and was bullied in and out of the home. You would not know it though if you met me in person. I have worked very hard to take advantage of the hand I have been dealt.

I cannot stress enough that practicing the MP along with a good therapist helped me immensely. You should not wait for a convenient schedule to practice it. It really demands little more than 20 minutes of your day, and who cannot find time for that?

[Ash]

I read somewhere (was it Regardie?) that the MP can exacerbate dissociative symptoms; have you (TheSilent1) or anyone else found that, or found it to be the opposite?

I do plan to do both those things in the near future.

[TheSilent1]

Well, I can say this: I have seen people approach magick in a competent level headed manner and make a complete success, and I have also observed the opposite. Sanity is relative, if you practice magick you are technically crazy. It is also true that if you look for disease eventually you will find it. Meditate Meditate Meditate. The world is insane to be "sane" is insane. They are simply qualifiers. My advice stop the mental masturbation, go do some charity work (volunteer at a hospital. not to be a good doer but rather experience other people worse off than yourself.), and stop using mind altering substances for a while.

[Ash]

...and stop using mind altering substances for a while.

I haven't touched anything intoxicating in several months, FWIW. I'll keep your advice in mind, though.