by Luce » Sat Jun 23, 2018 2:11 pm
I completely agree with you. It's not that I feel this particular lineage must be the only correct one... Let me explain my stance briefly.
When I read Crowley, I'm amazed at his intellectual acumen, his poetic style, but beyond this, I get this clear feeling that "this man has what I want." But it's deeper than that: it's this hard-to-describe intuition that this person is an Adept. I get this feeling strongest with Crowley, but I also get this feeling with people like Dion Fortune, and certain members of the Golden Dawn.
When I read the work of the leaders of the other A.'.A.'. groups, I get the feeling that they are intelligent, and that they are strong teachers. But I haven't gotten that unshakable confidence that they are true Adepts. I'm NOT at all saying they aren't Adepts! I'm just saying I haven't received that unshakable confidence... But when I read the works of Eshelman, and even when I just read through his hundreds/thousands of forum posts answering people's questions, I get this feeling that "this man has what I want" -- this hard-to-describe intuition that this person is an Adept.
I have tried to find this with members of the other A.'.A.'. organizations... I wanted to find this with the other organizations, because the other two large ones not only have email addresses that actually work, but that they actually respond to! But I just haven't gotten that indescribable prompting to go forward with those lineages like I have with Jim's.
A few years ago, it became clear to me that the A.'.A.'. is exactly what I've been searching for for many years. Even though at the time, I was within the bounds of fundamental Christianity, the A.'.A.'. was always what I was searching for -- a system of initiation and training into God, into my True Will, into Meaning, into true sanctification.
Ever since then, I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to the A.'.A.'.. Some people might disagree with that, but I don't mean in the way that my true dedication should be finding God, or finding my true self (although the reason I'm dedicated to the A.'.A.'. is precisely because of those things). I mean it in a more mundane way, perhaps: that when I did, if I had accomplished nothing outside of the Attainment of the A.'.A.'., I would die fulfilled, whereas I could have every earthly pleasure and die having never joined the A.'.A.'. and die unfulfilled. Of course, I don't know what I'll think once I'm at the end, but I guess I'm just explaining the importance that the A.'.A.'. has for me. I just have this unshakable feeling that this is the right path for me.
So, if you read the above, you can imagine the significance that the A.'.A.'. has for me. Maybe I'm even repeating myself as to what I wrote many months ago in this thread... But suffice it to say that because this is the one thing I am certain of when it comes to my ultimate life goals, I want to do this right.
Having the unshakable confidence in one lineage, versus not having that confidence with the others, as well as getting that internal "go ahead" with one lineage, versus not having that with the others, is what keeps me replying to this same damn thread, and sending emails every few weeks to the Cancellarius that inevitably bounce-back. And it's also what keeps me from going forward with the other A.'.A.'. lineages...
Finally, as you may or may not know, it is the policy of Jim's A.'.A.'. that if someone has reached the Probationer degree in another A.'.A.'. lineage, they are not eligible for admission into his A.'.A.'. group in this incarnation. Meaning if I did just go ahead on faith with a different A.'.A.'. and never ended up getting that "this is an Adept" intuition, it would be too late to turn around and continue trying with Jim's lineage. So, as you can see from all of this... it's a pretty serious decision for me.