Overcoming Abandonment (Magically!!)

Q&A and discussion on the Path of Initiation

Moderator: Moderators - Public

Overcoming Abandonment (Magically!!)

Postby frater aSP » Thu Sep 19, 2013 1:00 pm

Apologies to the more philosophically-minded among you; this is a down and dirty in-the-trenches kick-demon-ass sort of post.

I'm writing this seeking advice on an issue I've dealt with since childhood. Lately it's expanded into a new plane.
The conclusion seems close; I don't know what to do.

Let's start with the cool stuff. I've been gaining some measure of lucidity and freedom on the etheric plane, in the hypnagogic state before dropping into more abstract dream environments; the plane where your bedroom looks like it does in real life, only you can leave your body and see entities and deities and stuff. This feels like a sort of training ground - I can't get completely out of my body yet, but am more and more able to relax into gaining some degree of levitation. It usually feels as if I'm wading through molasses, trying to make my sleeping body get up somehow.

The main thing is that I'm not sure exactly what to do about the various entities I encounter in this state. Sometimes they seem neutral; I offer them metta/compassion, and they go away; this worked with what seemed to be a ghost as well. Other times I've been able to banish more malevolent ones with pentagrams.

The problem is that 1. I'm always so excited to gain consciousness in this state that I tend to rush, thinking it will slip and I will wake up. 2. I feel utterly clueless as to how to interact with these entities. So any general advice or stories on conducting oneself in this sphere, how to get out of the body, where to go, what to do would be quite helpful.

-------

I've been dealing with irrational feelings of abandonment and worthlessness ever since childhood, linked with issues tied to sexuality. The deeper I've gone into meditation and magick, the more faces of this issue I've been able to see. I've done Jungian active imagination with it; I've stared at it in the face as it projected onto people in my external environment; I've offered it acceptance, compassion, fed it LVX/prana, performed Yesod rituals, even ignored it completely, seeing it as nothing more than a thought/feeling/body sensation complex in the present moment. Any number of things.

It became clear last night that this aspect of my subconsciousness is a shadow/demon thing that's been appearing in my dreams since childhood. It's obvious that the above practices have weakened it - it appeared last night on the etheric plane as little more than a malevolent slug that still was attacking me, holding me down, etc.

I don't know what to do. Intellectually I know exactly what it is; in most moments I feel empowered enough to offer it freedom and compassion. Last night in the hypnagogic state I tried all manner of things - vibrating God names at it, drawing pentagrams, staring it in the face and offering it acceptance, blessing it. It just kept attacking me and eventually disappeared. Today it came back out externally in irrational projections that felt utterly debilitating, even as I kept doing the various astral and compassion practices mentioned above, and even with a certain degree of meditative detachment/observation.

Any advice on this multi-tiered approach to psychological healing would be most appreciated. This issue has been wrecking my relationships for decades and I'm ready to shed it and divert the energy into something else. On the one hand it feels pretty cool to have your life start to resemble an episode of Supernatural; on the other it's really difficult not knowing what to do. Many thanks in advance.

I guess a more general title for this would be "Technical Ways of Confronting the Shadow in a Magical Operation."
frater aSP
Copper Member
Copper Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2011 12:33 pm

Re: Overcoming Abandonment (Magically!!)

Postby HounganRocky » Thu Sep 19, 2013 1:47 pm

Taking care of the ancestors generally helps with clearing up these sorts of problems. See my thread on Ancestral Veneration http://www.heruraha.net/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=13119.
"You should know that I am a dangerous man."

"What did you dream about this afternoon? A woman in your arms? The sea at your doorstep? Nooooo! You dreamt of me and of the grave. I know because I was there."
User avatar
HounganRocky
Gold Member
Gold Member
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:20 pm

Re: Overcoming Abandonment (Magically!!)

Postby Angel of Death » Thu Sep 19, 2013 5:06 pm

I heard your words of acceptance, compassion, understanding, light, prana....

Love is the Law.

If you are dealing with an issue/ entity that has to deal with abandonment,
I would suggest you open your heart and love.

Abandonment issues are root issues, how you are connected to this world. If you feel abandoned often times there is a disconnection with the earth. There is a deep need to self love and nurish yourself. Practices that strengthen this connection include spending time outdoors in nature, working with gardens or plants, definitely spending time strengthening family ties, working with clay, or cooking hearty meals especially meats or baking bread.

Another thing that I have seen in people with these issues is the unskilled practice of dwelling in the past, and projecting into the future. You didn't specifically site this, so it may or may not be true for you, but it can be hard for us humans to be truly in the moment. Thinking of the negative past generates fear, and projecting negatively into the future generates worry. Both of those felings have very real psychological monsters that build up energy and form.
I have only been able to effectively resolve issues of abandonment when present in the now, and in that present truly became as loving ( not simply compassion, or acceptance but Love) as i am capable, towards the manifested object/ entity.

Love is the Law
Love under Will
Love is the Law.
User avatar
Angel of Death
Ultimate Spark of the Intimate Fire
Ultimate Spark of the Intimate Fire
 
Posts: 988
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:52 am
Location: Heaven

Postby frater aSP » Fri Sep 20, 2013 3:26 am

Many thanks to you both for your words of advice. I agree that the path through this seems to be a more active approach to love. AoD, this is all very helpful - you are dead on that relief comes chiefly through the present moment, and also with the earth correspondences/security/mooladhara chakra issues. And Rocky, I shall experiment with the ancestral practices and see where they lead! Denying of my family roots has definitely been an issue for me.
frater aSP
Copper Member
Copper Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2011 12:33 pm


Return to Initiation

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest